Jokes

Dec 152016
Computer Repair  Caller: ‘Hi, our printer is not working.’  Customer Service: ‘What is wrong with it?’  Caller: ‘Mouse is jammed.’ 
Computer problem in Florida - A True story Technical Support: ‘How can I help you?’ 
It seems that social media has only one topic trending days after the Centre announced the demonetisation of Rs.500 and Rs.1,000 notes on Tuesday night. The most entertaining were posts and trolls by people who owed allegiance to neither the pro or anti camp but tried to find the funny side of a new dawn without the ‘big’ notes. One such troll made a mock request to Prime Minister Modi on behalf of Indian expats not to declare Indian passports invalid for traveling to India one fine midnight.
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,  from the local Wal-Mart    Dear Mrs. Harris: Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
One Hot afternoon the Lion and the Lioness are taking a siesta, A Hyena appears. He walks back and forth and look at the Lioness and start to curse: ho, cunt, bitch !#%. Furious, she stands on all four ready to leap when the male lion says, please don't do it. She puts a paw forward and the Hyena runs away. She lies down and before she can rest  the Hyena is back. Cunt, slut, ho... Once again she stands up and the other lion goes, Listen honey Please don't do it, trust me.
Two 90-year old guys, Leo and Frank, had been friends all of their lives.  When it was clear that Leo was dying, Frank visited him every day.  One day Frank said 'Leo, we both loved playing softball all our lives, and we played all through High School.  Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's softball there.'     Leo looked up at Frank from his deathbed and said, 'Frank, if it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'  Shortly after that, Leo passed on. 
The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the bar and eats a very old olive that was sitting there. The bartender says, "Did you see what your monkey did? He ate that disgusting olive!" The man says, "Oh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it." The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave. A couple days later, the man and the monkey walk back into the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the pool table and swallows the cue ball.
A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman – “Which book has helped you most in your life?”  The woman replied – “My husband’s cheque book !!”   A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called, ‘Husband – the Master of the House’? Sales Girl : “Sir, Fiction and Comics are on the 1st floor!”. Someone asked an old man : “Even after 70 years, you still call your wife – Darling, Honey, Luv. What’s the secret ?
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"    The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".    "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?   
Punctual Gujarati Employees!   A Gujarati Company Owner was asked a Question:  "How do you Motivate your Employees to be so much Punctual?" He Smiled & Replied: "It's simple:" I have 30 Employees and 22 free Parking spaces and  8 are paid parking.

Entertainment

Dec 92017
മൂന്ന് ഇന്ത്യന്‍ ചിത്രങ്ങളുള്‍പ്പെടെ എട്ട് സിനിമകള്‍ രാജ്യാന്തര മേളയുടെ മൂന്നാം ദിനമായ ഇന്ന് (ഡിസംബര്‍ 10) മത്സര വിഭാഗത്തില്‍  പ്രദര്‍ശനത്തിനെത്തും.